Selfish Much, Bella?

So I've been thinking....a good habit, yes, I know, haha. But really, after reading my friend Laura's comment on my last entry, I started wondering what exactly it was about Bella that I found a little irritating. Because I knew there was something, but thinking about it right that second, absolutely nothing came to mind; I replied to her comment that perhaps it was Bella's naivety that threw me off, perhaps I was to mature to fully immerse myself in her character.

So I picked up Breaking Dawn during my kids naptime today, to have what I'll call a refresher course in her behavior. After reading a few chapters, up to the wedding, and Jake coming back, I realized what it was that was getting to me.

Bella is selfish.

Yes, I said it. Selfish. "What?", you're thinking, "There's no way! She is, in fact, the most selfless person ever!"

Precisely my point. She is selfish in that she takes everything onto her own narrow shoulders; every bad circumstance, every unhappy reaction, she feels certain is due to some error on her part. Never mind that Edward is a control freak, or that Jake is your typical teenaged hotheaded male. Any time something comes up between them, she takes the blame, rendering both parties guilt-free.

This irritates me.

I think mostly it irritates me because, as I am assuming most women do, I put myself in Bella's place while I'm reading; making myself, in essence, the main character. And while I can be remarkably giving when it comes to declaring who is right and who is wrong, there is no way I would ever take most of those things onto myself. An example:

When Jake shows up at Bella's wedding, they share a few happy minutes in reunion, danincg together, Jake taking pains not to screw it up by being, well, himself. But when he mentions her and Edward not being able to have a "real honeymoon", (ie: have sex), Bella gets embarassed and upset, telling him it's none of his business, but yes they can have a real honeymoon, thankyouverymuch. Jake pulls a Jake, and grabs her in his temper tantrum, causing ever-watchful Edward to swoop in and rescue Bella from the bad werewolf.

Now, firstly, I would upset if someone tried to save me without my permission first. Silly? Probably, but I've got a little bit (maybe more than a little bit) of pride, and I would want to have my say before being whisked away.

And after Edward saves her, she immediately blames herself for rising to Jacob's bait about the honeymoon, certain that she has ruined what would have been an otherwise perfect occasion. It is her fault that her best friend's homecoming ends in his being dragged away by his fellow wolf brothers. (And because I'm thinking about that particular part, let me say that I adore Seth's character, seriously.)

There is no way in any level of heaven, earth, or hell, that I would consider that situation to be anything other than Jake's own fault; for being nosy in the first place, for not just letting her do what makes her happy, and for allowing his jealousy and other unpleasant feelings get the better of him.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame Jake for being Jake. He, more so than any of the other characters, has a very realistic set of characteristic, strong emotion being one of them. And I can totally relate to losing your temper and f-ing up a situation, then looking back with horror/regret.

But when I do that, I know I'm to blame. Conversely, in Bella's shoes, I would know Jake was to blame, and I would not huddle in Edward's arms being depressed and wondering what was wrong with me. I would be huddled in Edward's arms (c'mon, would you not touch him every chance you got?), quivering with anger and frustration that my best friend couldn't keep his shiz together long enough to not ruin my wedding day/favorite mechanic's homecoming.

After reading back over this, I realize I sound kind of bitter towards Bella. I'm not! I adore her, and possible it's just envy of her selflessness and everlasting goodness that makes me annoyed by it. Like when you automatically want to dislike a really pretty girl you've just met and found out she's also smart/funny/and pretty much all around brilliant. You can't stand that she's so perfect, but you can't help but like her, because she's so perfect.

Of course, if I were to honestly put myself into a character from the Twilight series, I'd probably end up being Rosalie. Not because people consider me beautiful, (quite the opposite really; I was recently told that if I were a car model, I'd be a Honda Accord. Gee, thanks.), but because I can be a bitch, and I don't usually see a problem with that. And because I do usually eventually come around to the right side of people. But only if I think they're worth it. :)

Till next time then!